Sunday School Lesson 10.19.2008

Love Dare Moment

Love Fights Fair

Like it or not, conflict in marriage is inevitable.
Today’s thought is not how to drive all conflict out of the marriage, but learning to deal with conflicts in such a way that you come out healthier on the other side.

The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you’ll ever do to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That’s because that is when your pride is strongest. Your anger is hottest. Your’re the most selfish and judgmental. You make the worst decisions.
Love can step in and change things. Love reminds you that your marriage is too valuable to allow it to self-destruct, your love for your spouse is more important than whatever your’re fighting about. It reminds you that conflict can actually be turned around for good. Married couples who learn to work through conflict tend to be closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a much deeper connection afterwards.

But how? the wisest way is to learn to fight clean by establishing healthy rules of engagement. These rules help you “stay in bounds” when the action heats up.

There are two types of boundaries for dealing with conflict: “we” boundaries and “me” boundaries

“WE” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation. And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if these rules are violated. these could include:
We will never mention divorce
We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past
We will never fight in public or in front of our children
We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level
We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
We will never go to bed angry with one another
Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.


“Me” Boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some examples

I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” James 1:19
I will deal with my own issues up-front “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye Matt: 7:3
I will speak gently and keep my voice down. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger Proverbs 15:1


Cultivate Godly Friendships
1 Samuel 18:1-23:18

Introduction
How many close friends do you have?
How many close godly friends do you have? How would you define this?
relationship based on relationship with Christ
deep friendship- grows deeper each day because each one makes an effort to BE A FRIEND
lasting friendship- good times but especially through the tough times
praying friendship- pray for them and with them
accountable friendship- hold each other accountable
Bible study
Church attendance
Service
Marriage
Parent

If you don’t have a friend like that, why don’t you?
If you want to have a close godly friend, you have to be a godly friend.
Friendship just like marriages, must be cultivated and maintained if they are expected to grow.
Today we will look at the friendship and David and Jonathan. They are a good model for what a true godly friendship is all about.
And as we look at this model I want us to think about some of our friendships.
First, your spouse. They should be your VERY BEST FRIEND
Next your next best friend. Are you being the friend that you need to be?


Commit to Friends

1 Sam 18:1-4
18:1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

Notes
David and Jonathan hit it off right off the bat. Why?
They shared a common perspective on life
Both capable and courageous soldiers.
Both had strong faith in the Lord.
Both understood their bravery was the consequence of trusting the Lord.
Both won tremendous victories over superior foes.

Godly friends usually develop due to each other relationship to Christ and sharing this common bond.
More wonderful when it is because they had been led to the Lord by you!!!

But what about my friends who are not Christians?
We need to show godly love and friendship to them.
Also needs to be understood that this needs to be the foundation of all friendship.
Make clear you want to be a friend, just will not participate in ungodly activities with love humility,grace, etc. Set godly limits to your friendship- goal is to draw them closer to God- NOT TO LET THEM DRAW YOU AWAY!!!!

Jonathan made a commitment to this friendship
He shows us how we are to treat our friends
He loved David as much as he loved himself.
He made a covenant with David. A commitment to be his friend.
He gave him something of value to him.
He gave his robe. He gave his military tunic, his sword,his bow, his belt.

How committed are you to your friends?
Do you have that kind of love for your friends? That agape love?
Have you told them of your commitment to be there friend.
What value to you place on your friendship?
Is it costly to you?
At this point, I don’t believe Jonathan knew that David would be the next king.
He just wanted David to have something that meant a lot to him.
But if he already knew, this is even a greater show of love for his friend.
Jonathan was the heir to the throne by birthright.
But if he knew that God had anointed David to be the next king, instead of being jealous, he graciously and humbly yielded to God’s choice and chose to be his friend and support him EVEN IF IT MEANT HE LOSES THE THRONE. THAT IS A CHRISTIAN FRIEND


Defend Friends

1 Sam 19:1-7
19:1 Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan was very fond of David 2 and warned him, "My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. 3 I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I'll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out."
4 Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, "Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly. 5 He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The LORD won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad. Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?"
6 Saul listened to Jonathan and took this oath: "As surely as the LORD lives, David will not be put to death."
7 So Jonathan called David and told him the whole conversation. He brought him to Saul, and David was with Saul as before.

Notes
Saul became jealous of David’s success and feared that he would overtake the throne.
He tried to kill him while he was playing the harp, throwing a spear at him twice.
Saul then tried to have David killed by sending him to battle, but David was victorious every time because the Lord was with him.
David was even successful enough that Saul had to agree to let David marry his daughter. Now he wanted his son-in-law killed!!!
Jonathan now finds out that his father wants David killed.
He shows what kind of friend he is to David.
Warn David of the plot and advises him to hide.
Goes to his father and confronts him.
We cannot overestimate the courage it took for Jonathan to go to his father the KING and confront him.
Told his father he would be sinning by having David killed
Told him David had done nothing wrong
In fact, he had been a asset.
You would be spilling innocent blood!

Saul listened and temporarily changed his mind. Why?
Because David’s friend stood up for him and defended him.

Do you stand up for your friends when others seek to gossip about them?
It is easier to say nothing and go along with the crowd than to defend a friend in a hostile group.
Defending your friend can be costly, but the boldness of our loyalty reveals the strength of our character.


Help Friends

1 Sam 20:1-13
20:1 Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, "What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?"
2 "Never!" Jonathan replied. "You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn't do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why would he hide this from me? It's not so!"
3 But David took an oath and said, "Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, 'Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.' Yet as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death."
4 Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you."


Notes
David confronts Jonathan that his father is trying to kill him again.
He lets his friend know he is in trouble.
Jonathan lets David know he is ready to help his friend.
"Whatever you want me to do, I'll do do for you."

A close godly friend is ready to help a friend when they are in trouble.
They are willing to do "whatever".
That "whatever" can be costly.
Do we have a friend that we would be willing to do "whatever" for.

Encourage Friends

1 Sam 23:16-18
16 And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 17 "Don't be afraid," he said. "My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this." 18 The two of them made a covenant before the LORD. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.

Notes
David is now in exile.
Everywhere he goes, he is always looking over his shoulder knowing that Saul is after him trying to kill him.
He has put his family and friends in jeopardy.
He went to Nob and received food from the priest only to see Saul kill the entire village for assisting David.
He was getting discouraged.
Jonathan came and found his friend.
He encouraged him.
The Bible said he helped him find strength in God.
That's what friends do.
We encourage each other.
We point others to Christ who is our strength.


Closing.

How many close godly friends do you have?
Would you like to have some close godly friends like David and Jonathan was?
Remember, to have godly friends, you need to be a godly friend!

Godly friends are committed.
Godly friends show God's love to one another.
Godly friends defend each other.
Godly friends help one another.
Godly friends encourage one another.

May we be godly friends to each other.